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No Good

With(out) you. 

I let you in when I thought I needed you.
I was alone, I was tired, and heavy.
I sought you, and you hugged me,
tight and warm, as I did you.
I loved how you burned my lips,
and my throat,
as you sunk deep within me.
You would never come out.
You even went further
to show me
how I could not do
without you.
That would never be true,
yet, you had a way
of making me think it was.

And you? You who abused my lips?
How did you sneak your way
into my heart?
My mind felt messy, and I felt lost.
I was alone, and I was heavy.
You were there,
we traded looks, and traded the silence,
until I gave in and embraced you.
You embraced me back,
and I loved how lighter I felt,
how happier, how warmer,
how accommodated.
But you burned my lips, and my throat,
as you made your way down
into my lungs, and into my blood.
We would be one,
even as you later killed me,
even as I hated you—
we would be one,
until I would be no more,
and you would live on
to take more like me.

What about you, my dear mind?
What about the thoughts we have shared
over the years?
What about how, in a quiet way,
your voice has grown louder than mine?
Remember how little we once felt?
We grew to believe in more.
I hoped, oh dear, how I hoped
you and I would share one voice.
But you and I know that did not happen,
it never could.
Your whispers were once kind
and, as you grew louder,
your whispers of kinds
made me wonder
how you were me and I you and we one.
What about how I cannot help
but find myself in your space,
stuck in many things lesser than us,
fighting wars we should not?
What about that?

You will feel a pull to something.
It was perhaps once good for the soul,
but it now does you no good,
and yet, its pull, you feel and you fear,
you cannot hold it back—
oh, but you can.
Afford yourself some kindness,
And some patience.
Kill the devil's time with some company,
with passion, and with action.
Surround yourself with love,
and do the things you love.
And learn to give more than you can
and more than you ask,
more than you expect.
And learn to expect nothing.
Know this:
if you can make your mind and your heart
temples, your temples,
you can cleanse your soul
of what does you no good.

©Benie_Langat, 2021.

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Categories: Poetry

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Benie Langat

Benie is a poet and fiction writer, living in Nairobi, Kenya. He shares thought-provoking discussions, and occasionally does spoken word poetry and plays. Benie is also a freelance content and article writer. A dreamer, he realizes a world of possibilities through stories and explores life in poetry.

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