Best Friend and Last Man
We focus so much energy outward, often forgetting who’s within. Are you a good friend to yourself?
For a long time, thoughts of care for my “within man,” didn’t register in my mind. I would feel like a guest in my body, after doing things “beyond me” or failing to accomplish anything, with much needed.
I have in my adulthood, exercised vulgar most with (and directed to) myself. I seeded the first doubts of myself in me. The burning rage I directed towards self would at times burn like acid. They were dark times. Times to grow from.
Then there was the sunshine phase, when I also felt like a stranger in my body. While seeking and finding happiness was beautiful, ambition was not. Desire was not. Lust, jealousy, hate… It was always strange how parts of me, once in disharmony, would come together—a common interest on the table.
Your First Best Friend
Do you love or respect yourself as you would a friend? That friend was once a stranger. Do you care for yourself, in among other ways, being there for you? We could throw this quiz and that but most importantly, do you know yourself?
Friends are first strangers
I believe that knowing yourself concerns more than your interests. It is about more than being present. I see it as exploration, and exploration doesn’t end. You may have a list of all the things you love and those you don’t. But you may also have another, twice as long, of things you don’t know whether you would like or not—the unexplored portion of life, of you; the stranger in you.
What’s the point?
You may know hundreds of people, or only one but really well. You may be around them all day, be happy, even thrive in their presence—live! At the end of every day, however, as you close your eyes or think of it, you sink into a more helpless and lone part of you—a part detached from the real world, yet it burns… It is as alive as every else of you.
Some have someone to talk to when they are sad, and that is beautiful. Some people have only their sadness and their breaking hearts. But it is always just as easy to forget one other person—you. You have got you.
Last man standing
The world may shower you with all the love or hate; only you have the power to decide how it drives your life. No matter how much of the external love or hate you receive, there is always that moment when everyone leaves and then it is just you. Does that say something? To me, it whispers, no matter how you feel, you are your last man standing.
So, why spend the better part of your life showering the world with love that first should grow in you? Slow down and direct energy within you. Know you. Love you. Let go of things that blur that or make you doubt you.
Goliath and David in you
Sadness is unavoidable, inescapable… An ever-impending doom. Prepare for it. Prepare for life and more of its surprises. Disappointments. Prepare for human interaction and how each leaves your heart.
Do you need some armor? Weapons? Strength? Not always. You really need you and faith in you. For that, you will have to know you. Connect with you. Grow in you. Love you.
When hard times come, which will, you will have someone you know well and love dearly. Someone who, besides the troubles they are facing or disappointments, knows what they have within and is enough to light hope in them. You will have someone you want to see get through it all in one piece, someone you believe in and know will be okay. You will have you, my friend.
Where do you start?
With you. Always start with you. There is so much to unlock within, by simply deciding to begin with your exploration. You can do it with your eyes open or closed. But first, it is just you and yourself.
On Thursday, we will discuss the journey to finding, knowing, and loving yourself. See you!
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Benson Langat is a poet, fiction writer, and freelancer. A dreamer, he realizes a world of possibilities through stories and explores life in poetry. Benie is a dad and lives in Nairobi, Kenya.