How have you been coping lately? You know, with everything. Life. I have watched myself turn into many different versions of “OKAY,” until at some point, I remember saying that I didn’t know what okay felt like anymore.
They have been tough times. It’s not been long, when I couldn’t respond to a text asking me how I have genuinely been… without breaking down. I mean, the question itself makes you question the many times you’ve claimed “okay.”
Am I okay now? Well, what is okay anyway?
I read a post by HipDict which defined Soft Hours as the time between 2am-3.30am when you become a mushy loving, uncontrollable mess. When you say sentimental things you regret or deny saying later…
I’m talking about those times. The late nights. It’s when I look around my life, pause the beat, and ask: WHAT THE FUCK IS REALLY GOING ON?
Where am I? Hell yea, I know where I’m headed! But I’ve been walking with my eyes there for some time now… is it that I dread to look down at my feet? Or is it the tears I’ve been holding back that I fear will wash me off those feet?
I feel desperate sometimes. Inside. Wish I could scream. No, I’m not in distress, or stressed up. I’m just kind of lost, finding some pieces of me in this dead of night.
It gets dreadful. Some stitches come off every once in a while, but it’s not that, either. See, my tolerance level can be quite high. But who knows? Perhaps it’s what is killing me. On the inside. Or maybe, I should just look at things a little differently…
I usually believe that our minds were created in two persons. One that sees things positively, and the other that sees negativity. To be whole, both must exist in you.
When you choose to look at the positive side of things, even when you’re dying, every second that you’re still alive must sure feel like something. And I bet if you were to survive, you’ll most likely be grateful.
Do we need to remind ourselves of the hells we’ve been through and perhaps still are in? I will give that a big, fat, NO. We definitely do not. Look even in your worse times, and you may see some light. Are you a believer? Then you know that God is good.
Sometimes we fight too hard for too long, we lose hope when it’s beyond our sight. Quit at breaths off the finish-line. Yo, but we really do have to live!
I had an interesting conversation with a friend recently. And they said that in this world, you’re either a predator, or the prey. It’s that simple, he added.
Have you ever looked at life as a pyramid? Where to survive, you either get knocked down or you fight back? You can look at challenges in life the same way.
How do you become the predator, and how do you survive if you can’t fight? My good friend added a point which I totally agreed with. He said that we’ve been given everything we need to survive. We just need to use them.
I imagined a lion, and the terror it alone roars. And also, how fast an antelope can be. But then, I watch Nat Geo Wild and see many antelopes die.
But lions don’t feed every day. So, the antelopes don’t have to die every day from the same lions. And are they just meant to be prey? The prey. Another big, fat NO from me. You too can make a scrumptious dinner for a lion, or snack for a hyena.
And the predator? Do you go on a massacre? How I see it, you do only what is necessary to survive and even if it’s not right, it can be justifiable.
I don’t hate lions because they feed on antelopes. I at times watch the chase, feel sorry for the poor creatures, but then smile when I see cubs feed. I see hyenas scavenge, and a mother hyena who just gave birth leaves me at: damn. Nature, huh?
This is it, isn’t it? just look around you. You have most answers to your problems. To life’s questions. Most importantly, you have most tools to SURVIVE and not only that, but actually LIVE.
Well, it may not feel or be perfect. You may never smile the same. But you may as well live a better life when you choose to look at things differently. At least, you’ll still be able to look it. Life. Perspectives…
Benson Langat is a poet, fiction writer, and freelancer. A dreamer, he realizes a world of possibilities through stories and explores life in poetry. Benie is a dad and lives in Nairobi, Kenya.