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Hell In A Mental Cell

Mental illness
People assume you aren’t sick
unless they see the sickness on your skin
like scars forming a map of all the ways you’re hurting.
-Emm Roy, The First Step

What is mental illness? Would words describe it? Would medicine heal it? Would we finally understand it?

“Talk.” They say. Therapy will help. Relax more. Eat well. Sleep well. Pray even. Huh. Have we figured anything out, really?

Trapped, in a dysfunctional pattern.

Cold bodies and empty souls.

It feels like a cage, most times. Like I’m trapped in my own mind, and there is no escape. It’s dark, and it’s cold, inside my mind.

I fight within, to live. A losing battle. And my will is not as strong as it used to be. I’m learning to let go, more. Heard it’s the way to go. Seeking peace, heard she was locked up in a cell too.

I’m shelving it, bottling my feelings up. It’s messy when they’re all over. And now I’m suffocating. I try to find air, to breathe. But this hell in a loop!

I’ve not seen the light, in many days. My best of 365 days lasted for 4 days. It felt perfect. I smiled and lived, for the 4 days. I was free, before I was back in a cage. Self-made. “anthem of my life.”

I’m trapped, in a dysfunctional pattern, and I don’t know what freedom feels like anymore.

Categories: Discussions

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Benie Langat

Benson Langat is a poet, fiction writer, and freelancer. A dreamer, he realizes a world of possibilities through stories and explores life in poetry. Benie is a dad and lives in Nairobi, Kenya.

6 replies

  1. The title tells it all, for it really feels like one is actually trapped in a pattern in which getting out of it is the real problem where if you’re not patient and strong hell could easily break loose for you leading you to the place of no return.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad you liked it bro👊 it sure is a struggle, a battle… feels like a losing one, and it’s never-ending torment. But we have to survive.. live through it and come out strong at the end, lest we get lost in the chaos, the madness within; or worse, lose ourselves trying to find a way out. Thank you🙏

      Like

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